Sharing-What a Concept!

I have been lead to believe that people don't want to read long emails that detail a person's day (such as I tend to write). I know for a fact that one person stopped writing me because of my long winded, in depth emails. Yet it goes even deeper. Writing such a long message can lend itself to being "too familiar" (gasp!). And I think that many people are put off by that level of personal dialog. Sure, a person at the grocery store might tell you their life story in the check out line but in email, it is different. I have often gotten the feeling that because email (or letter writing) is more personal, directed to one person specifically, it makes them feel vulnerable. The difference is probably the physicality of being together vs apart on line.

Of course, American men are socialized to be less vulnerable. Men tend to avoid the deeper issues, talk statistics and attributes rather than feelings and shared ideals (think sports talk). I've even noticed that a group of men watching a porno will hoop and holler and make crude jokes so that, in my opinion, they don't have to admit the video is having an emotional (and dare I say physiological) effect on them. That would be (gulp!), a shared emotion.

Women like to talk and share but as men are more likely not to share, the idea of a man who is not their husband sharing deep feelings and vulnerabilities could be uneasy as it would be man to man. It puts them at odds with with the old idea of "just friends" or being intimate. That's understandable. As a man, I think the universe has gifted me to be able to share thoughts and feelings. I'm proud of it. I also know that the "familiarity" shared between myself and that other person can put each person in a vulnerable position where boundaries have to be set.

I'd like to think that women can tell the difference between sharing and a "come on." The stereotype in our society is that the women are more about the chase and men, about the conquest. Learning about the individual is likely to get the best results.